It just hit me...

tomorrow is Father's Day and I am not doing well. I have cried and cried I miss my dad so much. And I know its gonna be hard here tomorrow hearing all the girls talk about being a daddy's girl.
Written in 2005 still true today:
Do you ever just have those times in life where reality hits you big time and you realize this is really happening? Well I know this is wierd but it has really hit me in the past few days about how much I miss my dad. For those who don't know he died when I was 9 on December 3, 1999. It was like I knew he was gone and all but it just didn't seem real. Today I got out my baby pictures and my scrapbook and just looked at the wonderful times we had together the 9 years and 4 months that he was a part of my life but for aobut 3 or 4 years I had to see him every other weekend bcuz my parents were divorced. wow this has hit me really hard and it is like welcome to reality. I miss all the small things we did and shared...
-the unique nicknames he gave me such as rooster which he ALWAYS called me i had abotu 50 nickknames
-he would always swim in the pool w/ me and play w/e games i wanted to play
-we ate wierd food combinations like lettuce, jello, and miracle whip together another is miracle whip and potato chips
-we would "fight" over the last homemade bread and butter pickle in the jar and he alway let me have it
-We would have "daddy days" that was when mom worked overtime and me and him would go to Rudy's diner and eat then go have fun<--my favorite memory
-he would always buy me the candy cigarettes lol I called the candy ret cigarettes I still call them that
-Snow White was the movie we always watched together he always acted otu the part "make a wish and take a bite" lol
-when we went to the lake in the summer w/ my aunt and uncle he would always throw me in the water and play w/ me
-our favorite food was chips and dip
-I would help him out w/ painting sometimes which was his job
-we would watch NASCAR together EVERY sunday
-he always got me what i wanted
-he loved me so much and I wish I had more years w/ him
He won't EVER be there when I...
-get my permit
-get my licsense
-the most important thing to me is he won't be the one to walk me down the aisle when I get married
-he won't get to know his grandchildren and my children won't know him but I will tell them all I know
My step dad is great and he can't ever replace my dad. I am sry that yall had to here all this but I needed to get some of this out. Gosh I miss my dad so much he is not here to watch me grow up. I miss being daddies little girl.

I wish he was here to see me in college and doing missions and how much I love God. I miss him more than anything. He would be so proud! I love you daddy.